Not A Local Yet

Deli-going, in-a-hurry New Yorkers know quick-deli lingo because they are at the deli every morning on the way to the office.  New York delis are set up to get your order, get you served, get you paid and get you out in under one minute, two minutes tops if you have a complicated order.  No matter what the nationality of the counterman, every order has a short-cut name and a short-cut meaning that we all understand. For example, BLT down = bacon, lettuce, tomato on rye toast.  Who doesn't know Whiskey Jack, BWS (bagel with schmear of cream cheese) or that almost everything is to go almost all the time.

So, last night, in a pizza store in the GNC, in a hurry, late, car idling in the parking lot, I run in and order two plain slices with wings.  Guy says, "plain or spicy?".  Puzzled for a moment, I think he didn't hear me say "plain" because he was on his XBOX behind the counter when I ordered, so I say again, "plain".  He pauses the XBOX,  (I could see he was playing Halo from the disc box on the counter next to the unsold calzone), tosses the slices into the oven and retreats to the kitchen.

A few minutes go by, and out comes the guy with a plate of buffalo wings.  He adds the two slices from the oven to a tray with silverware and napkins and says, "That's $10.95".

"For two plain slices?"

"And the wings."

"Wings?"

"You ordered two slices and wings, didn't you?"  He looks at me like I have a third eye growing between my eyebrows.

"No, I didn't order wings."

"Bullshit," he says, politely, "I axed you plain or spicy and you sez plain. Wings is $6.95"

In NYC, there are at least three or four expressions for "to go".  When ordering, you can say "to travel" or "put wheels on it" or "make it roll" or "with wings".  Everybody knows a BWS with wings means a bagel with a schmear to go.  "With wings" means "to fly" as in, "I'm outta here, gotta fly."

But not in the GNC.  In the GNC, "with wings" means "I would like an order of chicken wings along with my  two plain slices of pizza."  The question "plain or spicy?" refers to the sauce that is dripping off the bony appendages when they are served to you.  "Plain" is a barbeque-y sauce, while "spicy" is a more Mexican lather.

When I am truly a local, I will know not to use my NYC deli lingo in the GNC.  Until then, I will end up with a half-dozen chicken wings drowning in Kraft  hickory smoked flavor on a tray instead of two plain cheese slices wrapped in aluminum, ready to be heated when I get home.